Category 4

I just want to escape reality altogether. Who am I to say I have the right to live in a nice house with food and a shower? I'm disgusted that I think I'm so entitled. Here I am, wasting the last week of my life in the most depressed state I've ever been in because I got kicked out of my house...yet I'm still under a roof. I'm still warm, full, and clean. I think if I spent three days on Batey 50 I would never complain again about how good I have it. It's just hard to comprehend how blessed I am when the blessings are clouded by my negative thinking.

I'm also still confused about a lot of things. Do I have the right to be upset? I think I do, considering my own mother doesn't want me anymore (and not because I did drugs in the house, had sex and got pregnant, but because we have severe miscommunication.) I am in school full time, and really scared and struggling in one of my classes. I am convinced that if I don't get a huge dose of motivation and lots of extra help, I will fail. I know the bible says that I won't add one more minute to my life by worrying, but worrying is overcoming me.

My hurricane is now a category 4.

I don't know what to do with the hand I've been dealt, but I will trust God that I will find the answer before I'm really out on the street. I just want my room back, I want my house back, I want my dog and my things and my shower and the home that I've known for 20 years. I know life isn't fair, but I just want to go home. I want a home.